Motherless Daughters and Sons

"Our sorrows and wounds are healed
only when we touch them with compassion."
- Buddha

News for the Soul Listeners

There are common feelings and issues that many people have from growing up without a mother or with a mother who was emotionally unavailable, abusive or mentally ill. I have attained deep healing for many of these issues myself (I grew up without a mother from age 5) and with many clients. I have found that healing from this is very possible using EFT, PSYCH-K and other energy psychology interventions even if you have been suffering from this from a very young age or even from birth.

EFT practitioner Carna Zacharias-Miller is an expert in what she calls "missing mother syndrome". She has mostly worked with motherless women but men can have this same experiences, issues and feelings. This is not a diagnosis it is simply her observation of common feelings and expereinces of people who grew up without a healthy connection to their mothers.

*I want to make a comment here about my work and healing philosophy. I don't diagnose or label people or see people as their symptoms. One of the things that EFT and other interventions I use show is that anything that can be cleared or shifted or healed is not you - it is a pattern you have been living or an experience you have had. I want to share this information with you not to diagnose anyone but so you can potentially gain some insight from this list of common feeling and have more compassion and understanding for yourself.

The following is Carna Miller's list of symptoms from her website MissingMother.com:

You could suffer from "Missing Mother Syndrome" if you experience most of the following conditions on a regular basis. And yes, even if your mother has been physically present:

• You feel lost, out of place, and unsafe in this world
• There is an underlying sadness in your life, even if nothing is wrong
• You tend to feel lonely and depressed, especially at other people's "Happy Family" gatherings
• You hate your body or are unsure about "being a woman"
• You have abandonment or anger issues that hurt your relationships
• You experience social stress - you either try to stay invisible, or you have a compulsion to be in the limelight
• Any major crisis in your life, like a divorce, job loss, or bereavement, throws you right back into the painful past
• There is a lot of fear, anxiety, or even guilt and shame in your life
• You feel homesick without knowing where "home" is
• You are trying too hard to be happy and "perfect"
• You take rejection very personally
• You believe that everybody else gets their act together - except for you

Listen to Fraeda on the national radio show "News for the Soul". This is a one hour show about using EFT and PSYCH-K for motherless daughters and other issues. Download mp3 click here. Listen on You Tube Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6.

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Experiences of Past Clients

"EFT has helped me with many things- from physical complaints to deeply held emotional patterns to do with my mother's death when I was a child. Fraeda has helped me to start releasing these, which has lead at times to an amazing sense of unconditional love and joyousness. I would recommend Fraeda as a good guide to help anyone unravel their emotional layers that hold them back in life, she is very present, thorough and intelligent in her approach. Her great passion for EFT has lead her to be very good at helping people to help themselves with it."

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"Dear Fraeda,
Now it is my turn to thank you for our session for me today.  We have traded sessions together on and off for more than 18 months. Here is my testimonial about our last session. Use it how you like.

Our session today proved to me beyond a doubt that you can certainly guide anyone through anything with your EFT skills.  

I was left with a caregiver from earliest infancy, my mother was preoccupied with working for my father in his medical practice, and I went to daycare in the '50's from age 3 until first grade, often sleeping overnight away from home. When my mother was no longer out of the home, she was mentally off in her own world, and emotionally distant and inaccessible to her children's needs, as she believed it was best to 'leave her children alone' to let them find their own way. I certainly felt angry and unloved by my mother throughout most of my life, and I avoided her, in an attempt to avoid the pain and disappointment of that all-important relationship. She is now nearing the end of her life, and I am faced with the reality that she will never be there for me, and that I must learn to accept her as she is and has always been. She did the best she could, and now I want to cultivate a gentleness and caring for myself that goes beyond the neglect and detachment of my childhood. In the EFT tapping session, these painful feelings softened and dissolved to create a spaciousness for remembrance of the Truth that real Love comes from Source and not from others. Now after the session I am softening towards my mother and towards myself.

Many people have unresolved mother issues from childhood, and when our mothers near the time of end of life, many unmet longings for mother nurturing arise in us.  I have recently witnessed and experienced my own mother's mental and physical decline, taking an unexpected course, stimulating shock, anger, sadness, disappointment and fear within me.  How very fortunate I am to have a skilled EFT practitioner and colleague like you to witness, participate and facilitate yet another layer and level of  my healing process around mother love issues in my life.

How straightforwardly, compassionately and unflinchingly you accompany my healing journey around these deep and primary mother/child issues.  Even when a mother is physically present in one's life,  many competing needs keep her from nurturing and caring for her child's fundamental needs for tender  affection, protection,  and caring.  Old unmet needs in the adult child foster anguish, bitterness and disappointment that erode our own belief in our self love, lovability, well being, self worth, and our sense of being anchored in mother love.  Our EFT session quickly brought old buried feelings to the surface to be re-examened and healed.

After a beginning EFT tapping round, 'Even though I have all these overwhelming feelings about my aging mother's decline, I deeply and completely love and accept myself",  an old belief surfaced that 'I had lost my old anchor (to my mother) which I never really had'.  After a flood  of tears of sadness and a welling up of fear, feeling unanchored, the truth became evident that my only real anchor that ever was or ever would be, is my anchor with  Source, beyond this flesh and these bones.  Within an hour, the anger, sadness and fear dissolved into the comforting remembrance of my true connection with Source, along with compassion and acceptance for my aging mother.

Fraeda, I am certain, that you can be present and skillful with anyone or any  issue that comes up.  I trust your skill with EFT, your compassionate presence,  careful listening,  and your unflappable centeredness as you work with me.  

I have the utmost confidence in you--to hear me accurately, to intuit and restate the  essence of  my issue as you accompany me easily with calm,  unruffled, through my stormy healing process.  I would recommend you most highly and confidently to anyone over any issue.  

You have arrived to become 'the practitioner's practitioner'.  Congratulations and thank you so much.

Your Colleague and friend,"